It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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