i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
