M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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