I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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