Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
