I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
