I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So vagazzling was a success
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
