No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
