Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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