i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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