Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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