hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Is it penis luge time yet?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
