So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
