who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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