he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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