I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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