He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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