Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.