HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am