I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
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The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets