Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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