I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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