So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
