Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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