I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
