Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
