im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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