im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She bit a glass in half.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
