Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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