he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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