Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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