That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
