he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
