Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
