grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
