Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My ATM looks so different sober.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
