I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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