I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
