so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I AM VODKA MAN
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
