my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
