i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
