omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
soo... how was my night?
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