I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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