I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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