I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
