nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
