It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
