it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
