i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
