I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
