every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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