soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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