dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
