I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
