We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I stole a fireplace last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
