You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
