think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
