i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
