No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
