i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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