y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
