he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
