A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
