so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
