I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
