It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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