There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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