I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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