you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
